Hello World

So, lately I have had a really hard time with a certain someone.

All I want him to do is love me and care about me in the way that I love and care about him. But for some reason he doesn't want to be in a relationship, but I can also understand his reasons why. It just isn't far to me though. I go through so much for him and I cry about him. He crys about someone else when he lays in bed at night, he doesn't even think about me when he is trying to sleep. What he is doing is wasting his time over some girl that doesn't give a shit about him.

All I want is for him to be all mine, I am more then ready to marry him.
If he were to ask me right now I would say yes, even though I wouldn't want the wedding to be right away, I would want it to be a few more years out.
But still, I would do anything for him, I would die for him, and it seems as though he doesn't give me the recongition I desearve as a person.

He doesn't give me the respect I deserve, he doesn't do anything that one person would do for another. This can't be a one sided relationship (if you could even call it that) I need some appreciation, I need some recognition, I need presents and for you to pay for things and give me the things I want.

I'm sick of giving you everything I have to offer. I give you my love, my heart, and my soul.
It's time that you gave me some of yours back.
You have to be willing to take what you dish out and give something back.
But you don't.....

What's going on???

There is just so much shit goin on right now in my life, I hate it. I just want to say what is on my mind w/o getting bashed on myspace for it. So where to I come...Xanga. The last place anyone would look for anything... So here is goes.

I don't think it is far. After 4 months of me putting all of my trust into him. I trusted him like I have never been hurt by anyone. But now I know better I guess. I will never ever in my life trust anyone like I trusted him. He seriously was my life. Now he has a girlfriend that he had when he broke up w/ him. But I guess the one good thing that came out of this is that he cheated on her w/ me. Yupe that is right. We had break up sex. It was awesome to by the way. But anyway... I guess I just don't know what to do anymore. Like maybe I should try to get a girlfriend but all of the girls that I like aren't bi or probably not interested. So there shot down before I even get a chance. There are other guys in mind but it doesn't help when I have to work w/ him. It really hurts to work w/ him. But I'm not going to quit a good job that I have when to get more hours then anyone else who has worked there longer then myself (the other hourly's) plus who knows the next job I would get is atleast until after next school year. I don't know. Maybe I'm just obsessing over him. But really is it far to just cut it off w/ nothing wrong in the relationship?  I had no clue. I feel like I'm goin to cry all of the time. It doesn't help that his new girlfriend doens't want me to talk to him and he is the one that said I could call him whenever I wanted if I need to talk. Well guess what I need to talk to you! and you have no idea. I just want to tell you what I want for you, and what I want for me. But no, we can't talk at work about it, it just wouldn't be the right place or time. So I want time w/ you. But I know and you know that I'm never going to get that time. Ever. You may say I will but I know I won't. It  will be because of your girlfriend too. So whatever. If you are so happy w/ her then why do you call me crying about her. I guess that is just my big question. I know you where crying or holding it back I could hear it in your voice. You just made me so happy and still do I just don't understand how you can hop from girl to girl like you do. I don't know. All I know is that we need to talk. Talk about everything. Soon. Before something clicks off in my head about you. I'm sick of crying and I don't wany my tears to be wasted. My family acctually likes you. My sister even admited it to me when we got my prom dress. She never likes anyone of my boyfriends. That is big. I don't know. I just want to know what you think I guess. I'm sry.

That is pretty much everything I am too afraid to say to him. I know I'm pathetic, but can you blame me.
If you read this. Let me know that you did. Tell me what went throught your head. It doesn't matter. Just send me a message saying you read it even. I don't care. I just needed to let it out. It will probably end up on myspace sooner or later. Probably after I talk to him (HAHAHAHA).

But whatever.

I'm Experimenting with POETRY. Tell me what you think.

An O-ed to MySpace Lifers...

You strike the keys ever so hard to get out your frustartions
Hoping that someone will read your bullient about your day.
About how you are bored with nothing to do with you life.
You strike the keys over and over to find some sympathy from someone.
Someone who cares and will pitty you.
You post bullient after bullient hoping someone will call to take you
away from your life just for that little bit of time.
But no one calls so you post another and another just until you go to bed.
Even that doesn't work.
You can't sleep.
So you jump on MySpace to post a bullient about how your stomach hurts
and you can't sleep.
Hoping someone will care.
No one does.
You still have some hope that someone out in siber space will find you and
care about you.
Will care about how bad your day was and will read your bullients.
Pitty you.
That is what you wanted.
That is what you craved.

Hello everyone!

i know that like no one uses this anymore.

but i thought i would give you a little update.

well me and jake are still together!

and we are trying some things. but i'm not goin to tell you what they are just yet!

leave me some comments if you still read this.

i will bring the xanga back!

Hello...

I was goin through like all of my little update things.
And I realized something.
People need to get over things.
And I know that SOME people are goin to take that the wrong way and some other people are goin to think that I'm talking about them or some shit like that.
But seriously.
Some of your little blog entries are only bitching and complaning that some girl isn't talking to you. Or that you still love someone when you guys broke up two months ago or that you are having a shitty day.
But like all it is.. is that you all seem so fucking sad.
Now I'm not saying that I haven't ever posted a blog saying how shitty my life is or how I want someone back.
Because I know that some of you will try to turn it around on me and try to say that I have done it and to stop bitching about how everyone else is doin it.
But I'm trying to stop complaning about the stuff I have.
And be thankful that I have someone in my life who loves me. And that I can support myself and that I don't have one regret in the world.
Now that I said that someone will think that. that ^^^ is a lie.
But it really isn't.
Because I know that at one point in my life if i regret something. I wanted that something to happen. So then what is the point in regreting it???? My point exactly.
So I hope that everyon that is bitching and complaning about there lives see that they do have people in there life that love them and want to be w/ them.
It just might not be the person. Or people that they want there. But atleast it is someone and not no one.

MUCHLOVE!